All my life, okay well not really all my life, but for the past 22 years or so I have looked at my body in a not so wonderful way. I've been cruel, judgemental, and harsh. I've hurt myself whether through actions or words. I've withheld food, I've belittled myself and I've just not cherished what I have been given. I've starved, I've swallowed pills, I've thrown up, I've tried crazy diets, you name it, I've done it! I've purchased crazy DVD's, equipment, blueprint maps ugh....if I look back I've probably spent more on trying to change my body then I did on my education (trust me it's a lot).
There has been a shift within me that I'm so thankful for, but I'm finally ...FINALLY...starting to see myself a little different. Maybe it's because of the child that I'm carrying or maybe it's because of some soul searching and kind, encouraging words from those around me that believe in me, or maybe it's finally the realization that people are not judging me based on what I look like. Heck maybe it's the fact that I'm 35 and guess what it's just about damn time!
I've been continuing to work out during my pregnancy, finally feeling better and getting back to the gym and I love how I feel. I look at my stomach and while there isn't much there yet, it's starting to round out a little. I'm in that "I've had a few too many slices of pizza phases versus pregnant phase". I'm amazed that we have this great ability to grow another human being and I appreciate all the overtime my body is putting in right now to accomplish that. Knowing that, I'm also enjoying nourishing this child before they even make their entrance into the world! He or She deserves the best possible start I can give them.
As we age - or should I say grow wiser - our bodies will go through changes too. It's not always easy, we live in a society of people that are wanting to slow down or reverse aging. I'm sure if you google it, there is a doctor out there that can fix or reverse anything! I get it - I worry sometimes too about it all, but yet it's also part of life - just like turning 18 and realizing you have to get a job!! Stinks but what are you going to do? I guess my entire point to all of this is that we cannot avoid the changes that take place as we grow older or experience things in life such as a pregnancy. BUT (there's always a but with me isn't there), we can embrace them, and continue to be kind to ourselves! I realize I'm going to gain some weight - UGH the antithesis of what I've been trying to accomplish for the past 2 years - but I'm embracing that. In 5 months I'll get to hold this tiny person in my arms that I am responsible for creating. My body is going to change, my abs won't be as tight (who am I kidding though - not like I had a 6 pack before), but I'll be in a better place mentally, and emotionally. Yes, I'll have some work to do at the gym but I'm excited for that in some way. I feel I'm finally equipping myself with the right tools - who knew I didnt' have to buy anything off of a late night infomercial - I just had to find the strength to believe!
For me it's never going to be about being a model on the cover of a magazine but it's about being a role model to my children. If there is anything that I hope I can teach them it's to love themselves and know that the rest will fall into place!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Yes....No.....Maybe!!
This journey that I'm on is all about the "Yes...No...Maybes" in my life!
Everyday we have decisions...decisions all around us! Should I get out of bed now - or in 15 minutes? Should I head to the gym, or stay home? Should I get dressed for work or stay in my p.j's (I work from home) Should I be kind to myself? Should I journal for the day? Should I cook dinner or would take out be easier? Should I ...Should I....Should I!! By the end of the day sometimes you have lost all your will and you don't even care anymore. Our lives are complicated, complex, glorious and ours to live! Each and every day should be cherished because honestly, I have no idea what tomorrow will hold, things could be drastically different, or I could go on asking all those "should" questions.
Either way, we have decisions. I've made some really strong decisions recently to put myself in the #1 seat in my life. Let me tell you there are days I want to take back this promise and go back to doing things the easy way (what I've been used to). But I know in my heart I simply can't! I'm really working at setting a better example for my children, and not that I want them to be selfish or lack empathy, actually quite the contrary. I simply want them and myself to go through life without feeling this nagging on my shoulders that I should be doing something else for somebody else.
I'll never change my ways - I'll always be a giver and I'll always think of other people because I think that's part of what makes me me. However, I need to find that balance and learn that it's okay to say no! It's not about being mean or selfish or anything like that either - rather it's simply about living a calmer, more relaxed life. I'm not suddenly turned into this person that only thinks of myself and forget the rest of the world. No it's not that, it's more that I'm allowing myself to take care of myself. I'll still cook, clean, send cards and tokens of my love to all those around me. I'll still be there for a friend in need, or a family relative. I'll still give my time and energy to others around me....it's just that I've carved out a niche for myself as well.
I now go to bed every night around 9:00 - I need time alone with a book to decompress from the day. My husband understands this and doesn't take it personally and it's wonderful!!! It's about doing these little things for ourselves that add up to a whole lot of feel good!
What will you do for yourself today?
Take care
S.
Everyday we have decisions...decisions all around us! Should I get out of bed now - or in 15 minutes? Should I head to the gym, or stay home? Should I get dressed for work or stay in my p.j's (I work from home) Should I be kind to myself? Should I journal for the day? Should I cook dinner or would take out be easier? Should I ...Should I....Should I!! By the end of the day sometimes you have lost all your will and you don't even care anymore. Our lives are complicated, complex, glorious and ours to live! Each and every day should be cherished because honestly, I have no idea what tomorrow will hold, things could be drastically different, or I could go on asking all those "should" questions.
Either way, we have decisions. I've made some really strong decisions recently to put myself in the #1 seat in my life. Let me tell you there are days I want to take back this promise and go back to doing things the easy way (what I've been used to). But I know in my heart I simply can't! I'm really working at setting a better example for my children, and not that I want them to be selfish or lack empathy, actually quite the contrary. I simply want them and myself to go through life without feeling this nagging on my shoulders that I should be doing something else for somebody else.
I'll never change my ways - I'll always be a giver and I'll always think of other people because I think that's part of what makes me me. However, I need to find that balance and learn that it's okay to say no! It's not about being mean or selfish or anything like that either - rather it's simply about living a calmer, more relaxed life. I'm not suddenly turned into this person that only thinks of myself and forget the rest of the world. No it's not that, it's more that I'm allowing myself to take care of myself. I'll still cook, clean, send cards and tokens of my love to all those around me. I'll still be there for a friend in need, or a family relative. I'll still give my time and energy to others around me....it's just that I've carved out a niche for myself as well.
I now go to bed every night around 9:00 - I need time alone with a book to decompress from the day. My husband understands this and doesn't take it personally and it's wonderful!!! It's about doing these little things for ourselves that add up to a whole lot of feel good!
What will you do for yourself today?
Take care
S.
Monday, January 3, 2011
It's a New Year!!!
Happy New Year!!!!
Already three days in and I realize that time just goes faster and faster with each passing year!!! I'm not one to make resolutions - oh sure don't get me wrong every year since I was probably 12 I vowed I would not eat sweets ever again, I would work out more and I would be "good"! Humpf....see where that got me!!!
This year I said NO to resolutions because honestly for me they just don't work!! I think there are lot of people out there that would probably agree as well! The general notion of a resolution just sets us up for failure because we make these stringent rules against ourselves that are unrealistically unattainable. Then when we have a minor set back we jump off the wagon completely, call ourselves a failure and say forget it I can't do it!
This year, I've just promised myself to live my life in as many ways as possible, healthier and enriched because I'm not carrying the baggage and guilt around anymore. I'm going to be kinder to myself and really live in the moment! I have been saying this again and again, but life is so precious and so short that we have to live in the moment!!
Now that doesn't mean I give myself permission to eat whatever I want, or go out and enjoy a dozen donuts! Heck no!! What it means is that I'm not going to beat myself up! What I need to do is love myself a little more and the rest will just fall into place!!
Go ahead I dare you to not make a resolution this year!!!
Here's to a great 2011!!!
Already three days in and I realize that time just goes faster and faster with each passing year!!! I'm not one to make resolutions - oh sure don't get me wrong every year since I was probably 12 I vowed I would not eat sweets ever again, I would work out more and I would be "good"! Humpf....see where that got me!!!
This year I said NO to resolutions because honestly for me they just don't work!! I think there are lot of people out there that would probably agree as well! The general notion of a resolution just sets us up for failure because we make these stringent rules against ourselves that are unrealistically unattainable. Then when we have a minor set back we jump off the wagon completely, call ourselves a failure and say forget it I can't do it!
This year, I've just promised myself to live my life in as many ways as possible, healthier and enriched because I'm not carrying the baggage and guilt around anymore. I'm going to be kinder to myself and really live in the moment! I have been saying this again and again, but life is so precious and so short that we have to live in the moment!!
Now that doesn't mean I give myself permission to eat whatever I want, or go out and enjoy a dozen donuts! Heck no!! What it means is that I'm not going to beat myself up! What I need to do is love myself a little more and the rest will just fall into place!!
Go ahead I dare you to not make a resolution this year!!!
Here's to a great 2011!!!
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