All my life, okay well not really all my life, but for the past 22 years or so I have looked at my body in a not so wonderful way. I've been cruel, judgemental, and harsh. I've hurt myself whether through actions or words. I've withheld food, I've belittled myself and I've just not cherished what I have been given. I've starved, I've swallowed pills, I've thrown up, I've tried crazy diets, you name it, I've done it! I've purchased crazy DVD's, equipment, blueprint maps ugh....if I look back I've probably spent more on trying to change my body then I did on my education (trust me it's a lot).
There has been a shift within me that I'm so thankful for, but I'm finally ...FINALLY...starting to see myself a little different. Maybe it's because of the child that I'm carrying or maybe it's because of some soul searching and kind, encouraging words from those around me that believe in me, or maybe it's finally the realization that people are not judging me based on what I look like. Heck maybe it's the fact that I'm 35 and guess what it's just about damn time!
I've been continuing to work out during my pregnancy, finally feeling better and getting back to the gym and I love how I feel. I look at my stomach and while there isn't much there yet, it's starting to round out a little. I'm in that "I've had a few too many slices of pizza phases versus pregnant phase". I'm amazed that we have this great ability to grow another human being and I appreciate all the overtime my body is putting in right now to accomplish that. Knowing that, I'm also enjoying nourishing this child before they even make their entrance into the world! He or She deserves the best possible start I can give them.
As we age - or should I say grow wiser - our bodies will go through changes too. It's not always easy, we live in a society of people that are wanting to slow down or reverse aging. I'm sure if you google it, there is a doctor out there that can fix or reverse anything! I get it - I worry sometimes too about it all, but yet it's also part of life - just like turning 18 and realizing you have to get a job!! Stinks but what are you going to do? I guess my entire point to all of this is that we cannot avoid the changes that take place as we grow older or experience things in life such as a pregnancy. BUT (there's always a but with me isn't there), we can embrace them, and continue to be kind to ourselves! I realize I'm going to gain some weight - UGH the antithesis of what I've been trying to accomplish for the past 2 years - but I'm embracing that. In 5 months I'll get to hold this tiny person in my arms that I am responsible for creating. My body is going to change, my abs won't be as tight (who am I kidding though - not like I had a 6 pack before), but I'll be in a better place mentally, and emotionally. Yes, I'll have some work to do at the gym but I'm excited for that in some way. I feel I'm finally equipping myself with the right tools - who knew I didnt' have to buy anything off of a late night infomercial - I just had to find the strength to believe!
For me it's never going to be about being a model on the cover of a magazine but it's about being a role model to my children. If there is anything that I hope I can teach them it's to love themselves and know that the rest will fall into place!
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